This page is completely tongue in cheek. You can send in any
wedding related jokes and/or true stories.
All amusing and clean stuff will be published on these pages…
all the naughtier stuff will go into my private collection!
Here's some I did
Wife =W.I.F.E. =
Washing, Ironing, Feeding, Etc.
I married Miss
Right… I just didn't know her first name was Always.
'Marriage'... Not so much a word as a
Dr's notes (true!)
She stated that she had
been constipated for most of her life… until she got a divorce
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is
The lab test indicated abnormal lover
Patient has two teenage children, but no
desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 To
Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child
Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other
Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5 and Footie 5.3 no longer run
and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Saturday
Rugby 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead.
cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to
run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back
to Girlfriend 7.0 but de-install doesn't work on this program.
you please help.
is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding. Many
men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is
merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Whereas Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything.
are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to
Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is
impossible to de-install, delete or purge the program files from the
system once installed.
people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended
up with even more problems. (See in manual under Alimony/Child Support
and Solicitors Fees).
Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal
with the difficulties as best you can. When any faults or problems
occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\ I
APOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the 'Esc' key. It may be
necessary to run C:\ I APOLOGISE a number of times but hopefully
eventually the operating system will return to normal.
1.0 although a very high maintenance program can be very rewarding.
the most out of it consider buying additional software such as Flowers
2.3 and Chocolates 5.1.
under any circumstance install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 as this
is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost
the same vein there's this one...
is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes
harder for them
to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were
When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive,
and there's nothing
worse than an oversensitive woman.
name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife,
Julie. When I took
"early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Julie to get a
full-time job, both for
extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after
she started working, I noticed
she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from
the golf course about the same time she
gets home from work.
she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for
half an hour or so
before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to
take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.
I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is
I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.
used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not
unusual for them
sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by
several times each evening that they won't clean themselves.
I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to
get them done before she goes to bed.
symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say
that it is difficult
her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But,
boys, we take 'em for
or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to
stretch it out over two or
three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her
that missing lunch
and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to
Is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest
periods. She had to take a break
she was only half finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene.
I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass
of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as
she is making one for herself,
may as well make one for me too.
know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Julie. I'm
not saying that showing this
consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find
it impossible! Nobody knows
than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys,
even if you just use a little
tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I
will consider that writing it
After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.....
Have you seen
anything hilarious or disastrous at a wedding?
send me your
wedding stories and jokes
to me at: